Emmett and Lady Gaga
by Rose Tyler
Summary: Jacob introduces Emmett to Lady Gaga. Now Rosalie has to figure out how to put an end to his new obsession.
1. Who's Lady Gaga?

**Day 1 (Rosalie)  
**

Emmett and I were walking through the trees holding hands. We walked slowly after Renesmee, watching her giggling and chasing squirrels. Emmett was humming a song.

"What are you humming?" I asked him. It sounded like a bad rap song.

"I Want to Fukk You by Akon and Snoop Dogg," he replied.

I sighed. Of course. "Sounds lovely."

"Oh, it is. Very romantic." He glanced towards Renesmee. Upon seeing that she was out of eyeshot, he let go of my hand, stepped back a few feet, and started doing a rude dance. "I see you windin n grindin up on that pole, I kno u see me lookin' at you and you already know, I wanna-- ooof!"

I interrupted that hideous song with a punch to the stomach.

"What was that for? I was serenading you!" He said in a tone of mock anger.

"That's disgusting," I muttered. I pulled my sunglasses out of my pocket to find that one of the lenses was shattered. "What happened to my sunglasses?" My voice sounded panicked. They had cost 250 dollars. They were my favorite pair.

"Um, yeah, well I had a bit of an accident with them…" he mumbled, looking down at the ground bashfully.

"What?"

"Well I was getting dressed, and I tripped, and they fell off the dresser, and I stepped on them."

I sighed. The sun was bright, so I slipped them on anyway.

Just then I heard a loud sound of feet crushing leaves and twigs coming toward us. We both tensed up. Then, to my unpleasant surprise, my least favorite person stepped out of the tress. Jacob Black.

"Damn it, I was hoping for a psychotic killer," I sighed.

"Lady Gaga!" came his response. He started laughing.

"What?" I asked. "I do NOT look like Lady Gaga," I growled.

"You look just like her. The blonde hair and glasses, both."

"Lady Gaga? I think I've heard of her…" Emmett said from behind me.

Jacob pulled an MP3 Player out of his pocket. "Here." He held it out to Emmett. "This is Lady Gaga."

Emmett stood and listened to the music for a minute. Then he started dancing.

"He would make a good male stripper with those moves," Jacob informed me.

"You would know about male strippers, wouldn't you?" I snorted.

"Aunt Rose, will you come play with me?" Renesmee called, running up to me. I picked her up.

"Sure, sweetie."

Jacob smiled. "Hey Rosalie. How many blondes does it take to play tag?"

Fed up with his lame blonde jokes, I decided not to reply. Of course, he gave the answer anyway.

"One."

If Renesmee hadn't been there, I would have punched him in the stomach hard enough to stop his breathing.

Emmett handed Jacob back his MP3 Player. "That song was AWESOME!" He turned and began dancing his way back to the house, singing "hold me and love me, just want to touch you for a minute, maybe 3 seconds is enough for my heart too…" his voice faded away as he got further away.

Two things happened that day:

One: For the first time ever, I agreed with Jacob Black. The weird look on his face after he watched Emmett dance off mirrored the expression on my own face.

Two: That was the day that Emmett became obsessed with Lady Gaga.

* * *

**To be continued... (will get better)**


	2. Obsession: Day 2

**A/N:** Hey everyone, just wanted to say thanks so much for all of those reviews, favorites, and alerts from the last chapter. I couldn't believe so many of you enjoyed it, I logged on Saturday morning ready to delete it. So again, thank you! It means a lot. This chapter is short, but I will probably update later this weekend. Also, I think I may write the whole story in Rosalie's POV, but if you want to see it in someone else's POV, feel free to suggest them and I'll see what I can do. Anyway, enjoy! :)

**Disclaimer:** I have nothing against Lady Gaga, I own her Cd, and I like her music. I do not own her, however, or Twilight. I think that's pretty obvious.

* * *

**Day 2**

"No, Rosalie! I want her to wear this dress!" Alice argued, holding up a yellow dress.

"Alice, the poor girl has been wearing dresses all week now. And you have been a fashion nazi, leaning over her yelling at her to not to get them dirty or torn up. Give her a break and let her dress casual for a day," I argued back.

Renesmee sat on her bed, looking back and forth between us with a look of worry and confusion.

Alice sighed, closed her eyes, and ran her fingers through her hair. After a few moments, she turned to Renesmee. "Renesmee, honey, what do you want to wear?"

Renesmee didn't say anything.

"It's all right, neither of us will get mad," Alice promised.

Renesmee hesitated a moment longer, and then slowly pointed to the outfit I was holding up.

"Yesss!" I hissed.

Alice glared at me.

We helped Renesmee get dressed, and then we went downstairs. We entered the living room, where Bella, Edward, and Jasper were sitting watching some lame show on the History channel. Alice walked over and handed Renesmee to Edward.

"Where's Emmett?" I asked.

Jasper smirked, and then pointed toward the dining room, where we had the computer.

I walked into the dining room. Emmett was sitting with his face close to the screen, watching something on Youtube. As I approached, I saw that it was a music video. There was an ugly blonde woman (man?) in it, and I saw an unmistakable bulge in the front of her pants. Underwear, that is. She was dressed hideously. Emmett had headphones in.

I walked over and removed one of the earbuds from his ear, putting it in mine. I leaned against his shoulder and watched until the end. The music was horrible, and the singer (male or female, I never figured out) kept repeating the same line over and over. Something about a "poker face". And she had something stuck to the left side of her face. Toward the end, I think she kissed a dog on the mouth.

"What the hell is this?" I asked in disgust.

"Lady Gaga!" Emmett exclaimed. "Isn't she great?"

"No. She sucks," I replied.

He gasped. He turned back to the computer.

"So Emmett--"

He turned the volume of the headphones up and turned back to the computer, starting up another video.

I couldn't believe the nerve of him. I turned and stormed out of the room.

Jasper was standing in the doorway, smirking at me. "Going to put on a skanky outfit and sing for him?"

"Shut up." I punched him and shoved him out of my way. He continued laughing as I stormed out the door.

* * *

**(To be continued...)**


	3. Bieber Fever

**A/N:** I'm back! After so long. I'm so happy that people have still been reading this story even after so long it's been posted. So I felt I owed this story a new chapter before my others. I don't think this chapter is as good as the other two. But I do promise, I have a very good final chapter that is already finished. But I won't post for a few days, because if I post it now, you guys won't review this chapter. I guess I'm just mean like that. haha But anyway, I hope you like this one. :)

* * *

I paced back and forth in front of the house. Anger and annoyance bubbled up inside of me. My husband was obsessed with some freaky and talentless hermaphrodite. I had to do something about it. But what?

I continued to pace back and forth as I contemplated some ideas.

Intervention? I could tie him to a chair and yell at him about his problem. I could do some research, break down this Lady Gaga, make her look bad. That way, he would find her less appealing and possibly break his fascination.

Play her music repeatedly until he got sick of it? No, I was already sick of it. I would probably end up driving myself crazy before even affecting him in the least.

Dress up as her and act annoying and stuck up? No. Bad idea right there.

I punched a tree. birds flew out of it in a frenzy, probably frightened. A few branches and flowers fell down from the force I had used.

"Nice dent." I heard a voice say from behind me. Guess who.

"Do I look like I give a damn about stray mutts right now?" I asked him.

"Mad about Lady Gaga?"

I turned to see a smug smile on his face. "Do you _want _me to hurt you?" I growled.

"Have you considered fighting fire with water?"

I raised my eyebrow. "Define?"

He rolled his eyes. "You pretend to obsess over someone equally as annoying."

I thought about it for a second. "That's actually a pretty good idea," I told him.

He started walking toward the house. "You're welcome".

"I'm not thanking you, because it was all your stupid fault to begin with!" I called after him.

* * *

We were all sitting in the living room flipping through the channels. As Alice passed MTV, Lady Gaga flashed by.

"Go back!" Emmett screamed. She ignored him and kept going. He jumped over the couch and grabbed the remote from her.

"Hey!" she yelled.

He flipped back, and we all had to sit through an excruciatingly long two minutes of one of her videos. As it ended, the announcer from TRL came on. He was standing next to a little brown haired girl.

"Coming up next on TRL, Justin Bieber!" he called out. (My bad, it was a boy.) A bunch of girls in the background screamed maniacally.

I felt a grin flash across my face before I shouted out, "Don't change the channel! I love him."

I saw looks of horror on the faces of my family.

"Really?" Jasper asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Yeah, totally. How could you _not_?"

"Because he's a little brown haired girl" Alice chimed in.

"Just like Edward," Emmett snickered. Edward frowned. After grinning at Edward for a moment, he turned to me. "But seriously, you like this kid? Seriously?"

"Imma tell you one time, yes."

As the commercial ended, I began watching and taking mental notes. This was going to be good.

-----

Three days later, I had taken things too far, which I was perfectly aware of. I spent hours watching Justin Bieber's videos and talking about him. My favorite, however, was the shirt I had which read "Bieber Fever".

The best part, though, was that Jacob spent all the time he used to spend on blond jokes on Justin Bieber jokes. My favorite? "Hey Blondie, puberty ran away from Justin Bieber. So should you".

As the days went on, Emmett started talking about Lady Gaga less and less. A week after Bieber Fever took off, he came to my room, looking annoyed.

"Okay, Rose. I have an idea."

"What would that be?" I asked innocently.

"I will _never _again mention Lady Gaga, if you shut up about Justin Boober."

"Deal," I smiled.

As he walked out of the room, I did an immature fist pump and hissed "yesssss". It was finally over.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Okay, well last chapter I was REALLY looking forward to reviews, but out of the 100+ people that read it, I got 0 reviews. That really makes me sad. :( So please, go back and review that chapter. And please review this one, too. It would mean so much to me. Anyway, I really hope you like this one. It's the final chapter. I had a lot of fun working with this story and getting all the great feedback from you guys. :) So thanks again for reading and reviewing.

* * *

**EMMETT**

I was sitting on the couch watching a weird movie on the Sci-Fi channel when the doorbell rang. I got up and opened the door to see a blond woman standing there in a crazy outfit and big sunglasses.

"Hey, I'm Lady Gaga. My tour bus got a flat near the end of your driveway, I was wondering if you had a phone I could use to call my manager and tell him I'm going to be a little late?" she smiled.

"ha, nice try, Rose." I slammed the door in and went back to my movie. A few minutes later, Rosalie walked in.

"Who was at the door?"

I smiled at her. "Oh, like you don't know."

She rolled her eyes. "You know what? I don't really care." She walked back out of the room.

* * *

**LADY GAGA**

As I got back to the tour bus, I saw the driver and one of my dancers finishing up putting on the new tire. "Hey, did they let you use their phone?" the driver asked me.

"No, I asked to use the phone, but the man who answered the door was really rude. He just slammed the door in my face."

"I guess not everyone's a fan," he sighed.

"Yeah. Well, let's hit the road, we got a big show tonight."


End file.
